


Heavy

by anneryn7



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Coping, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Depression, Triggers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 14:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18812863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anneryn7/pseuds/anneryn7
Summary: I closed my eyes and let the crushing weight of anxiety and hopelessness wash over me. Everything feels so heavy.





	Heavy

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey all, here is just a quick little oneshot that was inspired by a song (surprise, surprise). I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> *possible trigger warnings*
> 
> I DO NOT OWN TEEN WOLF OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> Song Suggestion/Music Inspiration: "Heavy" – Linkin Park featuring Kiiara.

I closed my eyes and let the crushing weight of anxiety and hopelessness wash over me. Everything feels so heavy.

Logically, I knew that when I broke everything down, nothing was too much to handle. But combined, it all felt like too much. The weight of it all, left me feeling winded and helpless. I didn't know where to go from here. It was all too much.

I knew that I had to rally, and pull it all together. But that was easier said than done. The loneliness and isolation that my depression and anxiety caused me, made me believe that things would never get better. Even though I knew, that that wasn't the case.

Battling my anxiety and overcoming it, was a constant battle. I had to build myself up and shut my own self-doubt away. I couldn't afford to think that way, anymore. Nothing good had ever come from it.

I need it to flourish, but my self-doubt would just drag me down. I had been working hard to retrain myself and change my thought process for the better. I had to remind myself that I was good enough and I did deserve to succeed and be happy. I deserved the best things in life. I couldn't let my own mind sabotage my success anymore.

I knew that I was my own worst enemy. But that didn't make it any easier to stop. I had a toxic relationship with myself. It was a constant love-hate struggle.

I have different triggers. Some of them I can predict, but some of them I can't. Today, was just unbearable. Everything felt like it was just crashing down around me. And everything was going up in flames.

I knew that I couldn't stop it. I felt my anxiety attack coming on, so I tried my best to find a secluded area, so I could have my breakdown in peace. It was coming full force now. I couldn't have stopped it, even if I had wanted to.

Everything was just building up and it was finally too much to hold onto. I choked out a sob. And let myself lose control. I hated feeling this way. But I knew that I had to feel the pain, to get through the pain, to work through it.

I was a mess. And today I was content with that. Tomorrow I would pick myself up, put on my big-boy pants, dust myself off, and handle my shit. Today, I will let myself have this breakdown. After I process what I'm feeling, I'll be okay again.

I just wish that I didn't feel so fucking alone.

* * *

My eyes are puffy, when I open them. But I felt a renewed sense of peace. I had a strange sense of clarity, as calm washed over my body. I felt better. I let out all of the anguish and the pain that I was feeling inside. And I felt relieved.

It felt good to not have anything else bottled up inside. I cried myself stupid and I let everything go. The pain was gone and nothing felt heavy anymore. Everything felt eerily light. I relished in the feel of my renewed headspace.

Logic and reason once again crept into my mind. I no longer felt overwhelmed and solely driven on my unbalanced emotions. I knew that I wasn't alone. I had people in my life who cared about me and loved me and suddenly I didn't feel so isolated anymore.

I knew that as soon as I called him, Derek would come over and put his arms around me. He would reassure me and help tether me back to reality. I needed to ground myself. Not only with the people who love me, but with nature, too.

I picked up my phone and make the call. I knew that he would be over soon, and I would be well on my way to feeling like myself again.

I felt the pain. And I let it go. Things are looking up now. They normally do, after the storm. I held on and I'll keep holding on. I'm thankful that not everything is always so heavy.


End file.
